Life in the Coronaverse can be pretty isolating. I read recently that we are all in the same storm, but not in the same boat. And that’s true friends.

Let me tell you about my boat. My boat started out sturdy enough. It’s well equipped, has a captain and a first mate and a couple of deck hands. Things were going pretty well before the storm started, and the boat certainly isn’t sinking yet, but it’s taking on some water- one of the deck hands is spending his time filling buckets with water and pouring them into the boat.  The other deck hand keeps threatening to jump off the boat if he don’t get his way, and the third has decided that screaming at the top of her lungs is the best way to go. The captain and first mate thought they had things under control, but their map blew away… so there’s that. Oh and now they’re towing a couple of leaky rowboats behind them. Seemed like a good plan a couple of months ago, but now that the storm has increased, it seems a little bit more… risky? Difficult? Concerning?

So that’s my boat. Your’s might look different. Mine looks… comical. It looks like things are on the verge of spiraling out of control, or calming down, it’s a toss up. And each day brings new adventures. Maybe one of the deckhands will throw up, chuck another deck hand overboard, or run naked… who the heck knows at this point.

But that’s where we are in the Coronaverse.

I was thinking about this the other day (while mopping the floor and telling my three partially naked feral children not to track mud in while I was actively cleaning when my thoughts were interrupted by an episode of Hidden Brain.

If you don’t listen to Hidden Brain you need to start. You can find the episode here . 

The episode, titled A Social Prescription: Why Human Connection is Crucial to Our Health, struck me.

I think I even stopped mopping and yelling long enough to listen to some of it (I can’t be sure, maybe I thought about sitting and listening). Anyway…

One part in particular caught my attention. Near the end, the interviewee talks about how he made a pact with several friends that once a month they would stop their busy lives and videochat for 2 hours. They would skip the small talk and get right to the heart of things. This group wasn’t made of people that were usually in their social networks, and because of that they were able to talk through some issues that they wouldn’t necessarily bring up with other friends or family. He talks about how that monthly chat has become one of the highlights of his month. This guy was the Surgeon General of the United States, I’m going to guess that his life has a LOT of high points, so for him to say that was pretty dramatic.

But I started thinking, what if something so small and seemingly inconsequential in the grand scheme of things really was that important?

I love the idea of a small group where you cut the small talk. What if there was a place where you talk as if you’re been friends for decades instead of just a months. What if there was a place where it was acceptable to share all the things- the good, the bad, the frustrating, the exciting, all the things. What if it was ok to show that your boat is kinda going down (or at least awry) in the storm? I started thinking how cool it would be to be a part of something like that. And then I remembered… Fight Club.

A while ago I started  going to Fight Club, and at first I have to admit that I was nervous (there is no actual fighting) there’s always something a little bit uncomfortable about reaching out to people outside your normal circle. But here’s the deal, you should all do this, it is lovely.

Here’s the great thing about Fight Club, it is one of those situations where small talk is… less. Sure there is still some small talk, but there is so much less. At least for me there isn’t the requirement to appear that you have it all together. I certainly have none of the things together (remember how I said we lost our map and were taking on water). There’s less pressure to be what everyone wants you to be or care about things that you just don’t care about (like intermittent fasting, for real if another person talks to me about their diet I am going to scream)  because they don’t want you to be anything except what you are that day.

Fight Club includes a lot of laughing, some tears, a little bit of anger, basically the entire spectrum of emotions. But I think it’s good. And the difference in life experience and personality… it’s the best part of Fight Club, all the perspectives in one place is SO cool.

Like most things, Fight Club has changed over the past couple of months, instead of sitting down and having dinner and a conversation once a month, we’ve moved to Zoom. And you know what, it’s still great.

It’s still refreshing to just chat about all the things. Some of the things are heavy, some fo the things are funny, some of the things are inconsequential. But the idea that there is that space to have that connection is really cool.

So this has been my really long winded and convoluted way of saying that if we take nothing out of the Coronaverse let it be this- we all need someone. We all need connection to some other people for our mental and physical health. Find your people, find your every day people, find your Fight Club people, find your back pocket cheerleaders, find the people that make you laugh, the people that challenge you to think about things differently, and the people that build you up to you can live to fight another day.  Find the best friend that you chat with over Marco Polo as you get ready every morning. Find the sister-in-law that you send videos of your kids screaming to so someone knows why you ate all the Reeses. Find the coworker that agrees things aren’t going well, find the sister that knows you’re upset just because you sigh loudly.

Accept that the Coronaverse looks different for everyone, that for some it may be a smooth sail on a beautiful summer day, and for some it may be a hurricane in a leaking inflatable rowboat, but we are all in this, and that we can all use some help through this crazy time. And hey, according to the former Surgeon General, finding your people might just extend your life and improve your overall health…  it’s sounds better than going for a run.