A couple of weeks  ago I wrote about “leveling up” .  At the time I was reveling in my diaper free life… I take it all back now.

I was legitimately nervous about what this next level brought, but friends… I was naive. So naive. 

This last week the universe has done it’s best to show me this next level is going to be… instructive? A learning experience? Even harder than the last level? Isn’t this how video games work? They get progressively more difficult as you progress through the game? Honestly my video game experience is limited to Chex Quest (yes like the cereal) so I have no idea.

All three of my darling children found an opportunity to show me  “Mom you don’t got this” over the past week.

Let’s start with the girl. Oh the girl, she’s sweet and darling, until she isn’t. Until about a month ago she was lovely 90% of the time, now she’s a full blown threenager, boy howdy do I love her new found attitude and flat out refusal to listen… said no mom ever.

Despite her general threenager attitude I wasn’t quite prepared for this experience. She had friends over, lead them up to her room said “Mom we’re just going to hang out and listen to music” then she pushed me to the door and firmly shut it with me on the other side.

She KICKED me out! Wait what?! I mean I was a little relieved not to have to listen to the Tangled soundtrack again… but really?

“Hang out and listen to music” um… seriously? I remember doing that circa 1999, maybe I should slip a vintage Backstreet Boys album, some nail polish, and a Seventeen magazine under the door to complete the experience.

I had mildly recovered from the girl moment when her oldest brother had a meltdown. I wish I knew what exactly Harry Potter was upset about, but that has slipped my mind now. Somehow AsthmaMan (always the instigator) made him mad and he finally snapped. Harry Potter is pretty patient with AsthmaMan, but sometimes he just cannot handle it, he was on his way to “solve” the problem when they both came tearing through the back door. In an attempt to save my lightweight antagonistic son, I grabbed Harry Potter by the shoulders and let AsthmaMan run for cover. Harry Potter is shorter than I am (not by that much at this point), and weighs less, but he’s almost as strong as I am.

Have you had the realization that the child you toted around for years is going to be bigger than you…soon?

Well I had that sudden realization as I tried to keep Harry Potter from getting even with his brother. Pretty sure AsthmaMan needs either stop being so annoying or learn to run faster.

And the final reminder that I’m not actually ready to “level up” well of course that came from AsthmaMan. He is my hardest child, the one that proudly states he is a “mama’s boy”, and the one responsible for every grey hair on my head. His brother and sister can only dream of the mischief he gets himself into on a daily basis.

AsthmaMan decided he needed to carry his “moment” out over two days… yes two days. It started at dinner on Saturday night. Over the course of dinner we started talking about what the boys do at recess. AsthmaMan was quiet and cagey. He loves to talk… I’m not kidding, from the moment the kid wakes up he saying “Mom, MOM, MOM!!! Can I tell you something? MOM!” All day every day people. When he was quiet I started thinking something was up.

We pressed him on it (ok I did), and he finally confessed that he doesn’t hang out with other kids at recess. This seemed a little sad and a lot untrue, especially given the report his teacher had given me at parent teacher conferences earlier in the week. He was quiet for a bit longer and then said “well this PERSON is always chasing me at recess!”

Please say your mom red flag went up. Is it just me or did you think that this person was probably a female person? Yeah that’s what I thought too.

We finished up dinner, he ate two pieces of pie like slices of pizza and then he continued his story and told us that yes the person was a girl person and that she is always chasing him. There was a tiny bit of 5 year old blushing and adamant denial that he ever ever wanted to play with this girl.

I’m not one to let things go, so I asked if he ever wanted to have her over to play and then he pretended to throw up.

Yes.

Because that’s the right response to having a girl over to play, throwing up.

His sister interjected with, “Mom I think she should come play with me because I’m very nice and I will not throw up.” Maybe they can go “hang out and listen to music” in her room.

An hour or so later he came and said “Maybe she can come play, but what we will we do?”

Yeah. Turns out playing with girls isn’t as nauseating as he thought.

Then today at church he was being his normal super obedient self during the service… oh wait no he was being awful, but then he started being…weird even for him. He was giggling, hiding, and kept whipping his head around to stare at something in the next pew.

I thought for sure he’d spotted a friend and they were about to make a huge scene.

Nope, no friend in sight.

I looked for one of his other friends, nope too far away for eye contact.

His brother’s friends? Nope not close enough for him to have noticed.

His sister’s friends? They were coloring nicely and not looking at him.

I could not figure out what inspired the giggling, hiding, and head turning… and then I spotted HER.

Oh yes sitting just across the pew from us was the girl that chases him at recess.

A few weeks ago we sat in the crossfire of a 16 year old couple at church. Each of them sat with their families, but they spent a good portion of the service looking at each other, smiling, and attempting to make eye contact without anyone else noticing, it was hilarious! Today I sat smack in the middle of the 5 year old version of it.

I turned to Mr. Spreadsheets and asked, “Is our 5 year old flirting?”, it took him a minute, but oh yes friends he saw it too.

This continued for the remainder of the service and into Sunday school. It ended  with the two of them chasing each other through the chapel (yep that was my child) when church ended.

Apparently 5 year olds flirt?

So I take it back, I’m not sure I’m ready to level up. I’m not sure I can handle my daughter’s attitude, my son’s height, or AsthmaMan’s flirting… is this what lies ahead?

Heaven help me (no really help me), I think I need to take my vitamins and brace for what lies ahead!