In my humble opinion a “mom tribe” is one of the most useful tools to have in the mom toolbox.

Sure there are other important tools like counting to three, middle naming people, getting all the voices right for Harry Potter, knowing where everyone needs to be and what they need to have with them at all times, and knowing who eats what and who fake barfs when they are offered the wrong thing.

These are all important tools, but I think the mom tribe is pretty foundational.

The mom tribe helps keep you grounded in reality, because let’s be frank, life with kids has a way of warping your sense of reality.

I think we should start “gifting” new moms  a ready made mom tribe at baby showers. Skip the jogging stroller people and offer to be on the other end of a text at 3am when the baby has its’ first fever, let to the mom know that you’re happy to comeserate when it comes to potty training, sleep training, and all the other ups and downs in between. The new mom will probably look at you confused because most people prefer the baby gear, but honestly and truly the tribe is worth a whole lot more than anything sold at Buy Buy Baby.

Despite your insecurities (and mine) with our mothering abilities, we all have a place in the mom tribe. I like to think of myself as the voice of reality.

If you’re looking for the friend to tell you that yes it is going to be hot at 2pm baseball game in September in Texas, and no it probably won’t be enjoyable, then I’m your girl.

If you want someone to say that sleep training/potty training, basically anything involving “training” has the potential to shatter whatever is left of your sleep deprived self, then come on down, I’m happy to offer you that dose of reality.

And if you want someone to tell you that it’s ok to buy a bigger size jeans and just enjoy the brownie because life is too short to worry about a number then I am still your girl.

Trust me, if I have a place in a few mom tribes, then you my friend have something amazing to offer.

I view considering someone a part of your tribe as a sign that this friendship is probably going to stick. By the time I’ve admitted that I need help and that I’m potentially floundering at, well most things, I’ve exposed a level of vulnerability that acts as the cement for a solid friendship. Maybe this isn’t true for most people, but I’m not a huge fan of showing any vulnerability so trust me a small crack in the armor is a BIG deal.

Not all mom tribes are the same, not all of them function the same way, live in the same place, and not all the members know about each other- it’s these differences that make them so awesome! Mom tribes might be made up of people that live close by, people that live thousands of miles away, people you have a longstanding relationship with, or people you’ve just met. Tribes communicate differently: maybe your best conversations are via text or email, maybe you chat at swim practice, or maybe you use your kids’ playdates as an excuse to catch up. Whatever the form the mom tribe takes, all moms need them, and that moment when you realize you’re a member (or starting to be a member) of a mom tribe is a magical thing.

I find myself using my tribe as a check for the crazy. Let’s take yesterday for example:

Harry Potter came home from school and told me someone bit him on the bus.

I just sat there stunned… bit him? This seemed a wee bit confusing because Harry Potter is in THIRD GRADE.

I wasn’t sure what to do with this information. At first I thought he was kidding, but the story progressed and then he lifted up his shirt to reveal a bite that had broken the skin…

I was confused and dumbfounded, how do you address biting?

Well clearly I had no clue, so I did what moms sometimes need to do and I threw it out to the mom tribe. Within 10 minutes I had received advice from several other moms.

Thanks for being the voice of reason in a confusing situation.

This is what you need people. You need a voice of reason when your third grader comes home with a bite, you need a voice of reason when you’re deciding what sports to sign your kid up for, you need a voice of reason when it comes to navigating the constant barrage of temper tantrums.

Mom tribes lift, encourage, ground you in reality, and compel you to move forward when you think that stopping to take quick rest might be preferable.

Find your tribe, be part of the tribe (seriously most tribes are looking to fill the realist position), and reach out to them, it will make parenting littles a tad bit less baffling, and if not at least you’re going to provide a couple of other moms with something to laugh about.