Every time we go out in public we are a freak show.

I kid you not, we are the family that you can hear from across the store, the one that you avoid, the family where the kids are hitting each other and screaming, and yes…the family that is trying to moon the other customers.

That’s us.

There’s a reason I try and get our shopping done before 10am. 

It’s so bad that Harry Potter is embarrassed to go out in public with us now. Let’s be totally honest, 97% of the problem is the middle child.

The other night we met Mr. Spreadsheets at Costco on his way home from work. This was a bad plan, it was primetime shopping, and the place was busy. Costco is huge busy place, but yet the sound of our shopping trip echoed so well that he was able to find us within a minute of entering the store… useful, I know.

That same day we went to Costco, we also went to the library and Chick Fil-A with friends. Our friends nicely walked out of the busy restaurant with their mother… My kids screamed, ran in opposite directions, and attempted to play chicken with the cars in the drive thru line. The library was even worse. Did you have any idea that the best time to punch your brother (with all your might) was as you ran through the silent library? Yep, I had no idea, but thanks to my kids I now have this little tidbit of information. Not only will your brother not expect to be punched, but the sound of your fist on his back will just echo off the library walls… oh and his screams will just pierce the silence. It’s a beautiful thing. For maximum effect, make sure to save the punch until your mom is struggling to get your little sister out of the kid area while holding the 35 books you picked out… it’s even better.

I sat near a family with young kids on the way home from my recent work trip. You could see the stress written on the parents’ faces as they attempted to wrestle their small children into the cramped airline seats. At one point the woman in front of them said they were being “extremely loud” and complained to the flight attendant, I wanted to show her a video of my hellions and tell her the behavior behind us was  nothing compared to nut house I was going home to. When we got off the flight I told the mom that her kids had done awesome (because they had), she looked like she wanted to cry and apologized profusely for the noise. I wanted to tell her in the nicest possible way that I am the mother of AsthmaMan, the kid that drops his pants and moons people at swim practice while screaming “I’M WAGGING MY BUTT!”,  at this point there is very little a 4 year old can do that will shock and appall me.

It’s so bad that Harry Potter is embarrassed to be out in public with us now. Granted he is sometimes part of the problem, but the real issue is the middle child.

I know kids will be kids, I know kids are loud, that kids say what we all want to say, and that kids have a rough time sitting through things they think are boring. But… my kids are a whole separate level of noise and energy. Trust me when I say this, they are a whole separate level.

They are all feisty, loud, and violent. They don’t care about being quiet, they have no interest in listening, and they absolutely do not care about social norms. This makes taking them out in public…  pure torture to be honest with you. The list of places we will never go is getting longer by the day, as is the list of people we have to apologize to.

But…

I’m learning to let it bother me less.

Yes, they are poorly behaved monsters (let’s just admit it), but they are also spunky and full of life.

They don’t listen to anything I say (true story) which I like to think means they are fiercely independent and know how to be leaders instead of followers.

They like to show their butts in public… Yeah I can’t put a positive spin on this one, all I can do is hope the mooning gets boring soon.

There will be people that are bothered by the sound, and people that will ignore it. We will try and plan so we disturb less people… And we will pray that some day they learn (to care) about social norms, and reduce the volume. Until that magical day arrives, if you are ever at the grocery story between 7:30 and 10am and hear screaming, don’t worry it’s just us attempting to buy a gallon of milk.