Back in the day, when I had one child,  I was one of those moms that talked to their kids about their feelings on… everything.

I distinctly remember Harry Potter throwing a massive fit over the color of his socks and then getting down on his level and talking about how the socks made him feel.

I’m sorry, my three kid mom self can’t even fathom finding the time for that conversation, let alone maintaining my cool during it.

I had these great aspirations of being the type of mom that never said things like “Because I said so”, or “Just do what I said because I said it”,  and “Because I’m the parent and you’re the child”.

I’m fairly certain that I used all three of those phrases at least once yesterday.

 

I have reached the point in my parenting where I have become a fan of what I like to call “tough mom love”.

Once upon a time there was time to discuss each and every feeling, there was time to debate every decision, and time for a child’s opinion on everything… this is not that time.

I’d like to believe that I’m raising strong people and successful people.

I want my kids to develop opinions and find productive ways to voice them, but I also want them to know that not everyone can have an opinion about everything all of the time.

I want them to know that there is a time and a place to voice your opinion, and that there are some situations when sitting down and dealing with the hand you’re dealt is the only option.

I want Harry Potter to tell me that he prefers Nikes over Adidas, that he prefers blue over red, and that if given his way he’d prefer to wear athletic shorts over jeans. But I also want him to know that sometimes he doesn’t get to make the choice, and that not all situations warrant his opinion.

I think he’s doing pretty well so far.

I want to find myself surrounded one day by three awesome adults. I want these three to have fiery personalities, lead successful lives, and fight for what they believe in. But, I also want them to know that there are times when they need to sit down and hush up.

AsthmaMan has a lot of opinions, he wants his little voice to be heard, and he gets angry when it’s not. He’s punched a few kids in the face because he felt like they weren’t listening to him… no I’m not kidding. While there have been some serious consequences for the punching… because seriously why the punching, there’s a part of me that says “YES! Stand up for yourself!”.

I want my kids to find the courage to speak up for themselves, while also understanding that there will be times when you get pushed back down and your opinion and preferences are silenced.

This is real life people.

As much as I’d love my kids to believe that life is cupcakes and rainbows it’s just not.

There will be times when no one gives a crap about your opinion… oh wait… as an adult that is pretty much all the time.

I want them to have the courage to stand up and express themselves, and the fortitude to accept when… no one cares.

This is a big deal.

If you’re raising kids or working with Millennials (seriously Millennials), you know how important it is to learn to gracefully accept failure and disappointment… newsflash… not everyone wins all of time… I know… it’s shocking.

AsthmaMan and Harry Potter got into a fight yesterday (story of their life), and AsthmaMan SCREAMED “There can only be one winner!!!”… true. We’re learning that participation is expected and doesn’t need to be rewarded (every time).

I want my kids to be the ones that get knocked down and stand back up again.

I want them to take their failures and turn them into successes.

I want them to be the ones that can hold their tongues when their opinion is not necessary, and the ones who can gracefully accept defeat.

I want them to turn defeat into a drive to work harder, study harder, and practice longer.

I want them to be the smartest and most capable of their peers, but I want them to maintain a level of humility.

I want them to know that hard work and perseverance sometimes matter more than flashy awards and promotions.

So… there will be moments where they fail as kids and we let them live with those consequences. There will be even more moments as adults when they fail and we can’t make it better.

There will be moments where they make a stupid choice and have to live with he uncomfortable consequences.

There will be moments when we remind them that not everyone wins all of the time.

There will be days when their opinion on the color of their socks is put aside so we can be on time to school.

There will be days when they have to eat the blueberry yogurt because we ran out of lemon, days when they have to eat cheddar cheese sticks instead of colby jack because that’s what we have and mom can’t drop everything to appease them.

There will be days when we congratulate them on their wins, commiserate on their failures, and laugh at their antics.

My hope is that as we teach them that life isn’t perfect, they will turn weakness into strength, success into failure, and shortcomings into important life lessons.