I hate going to the dentist.

No offense meant to dentists out there, but I hate everything about it.

The face touching, the horrible spinny brush, the “bubblegum” flavored muck they put on your teeth, the water sucker, the entire experience, from waiting forever in a waiting room, to that gritty feeling in your mouth when you’re done.

Oh and the people (dentists and hygienists) that talk to you while their hands are in your mouth… like you can respond!

So… I’ve put off visiting the dentist for… a good long while.

And I’ve put off taking the kids to the dentist… for a good long while too.

I took them today.

All three of them.

When I called to make the boys an appointment, the receptionist helpfully added an appointment for the Princess… because she has 6.5 teeth and needs to see a dentist.

I was dreading this appointment, and seriously questioning my sanity. Why would I book appointments for all THREE kids at the same time. That meant I had to have all three with me at the same time, in a confined and somewhat quiet place aka recipe for disaster.

The office was great, they had a movie, toys, and balloons. But let me just say, when we left my blood pressure was through the roof.

They weren’t even that bad.

They survived X rays, and cleanings. AsthmaMan did inform the dentist that he wouldn’t be coming back because the toothpaste was gross (seriously, why is bubblegum a flavor?)

The worst part was the Princess. Good thing I got that dental cleaning in for her.  They pried (literally) her mouth open, held her down, and brushed and counted (can’t forget that part), her 6.5 teeth.

You could hear her scream from the sidewalk outside the office

Totally worth it.

Oh wait…

So here’s the deal, I still hate the dentist and don’t think it’s worth it to go, no logical explanation is going to change my mind, don’t even try.

But I am now even more entrenched in my hatred.

Guess how many cavities my kids had…

To give you context, they drink juice, they “brush” their teeth, AsthmaMan drinks a lot of chocolate/strawberry milk, and I don’t know the last time they flossed… oh wait, last time we had ribs, so maybe a year ago. And AsthmaMan is on medicine that could ruin his teeth. AsthmaMan had a pacifier until days before his third birthday, and oh yeah they ate fruit snacks in the car on the way to the dentist appointment.

I didn’t want them to have any cavities, but you hear so many stories about kids ruining their teeth with juice, fruit snacks, and pacifiers that I felt like it was inventible.

Guess how many cavities they had.

Zero.

I’m telling you, all those comments that juice would destroy their teeth… lies.

All those comments about needing to take my kids to the dentist to keep them healthy… lies.

The receptionist asked me to schedule a 6 month follow up at the end… I almost laughed at her.

Yes, we will be back to the dentist, probably even in 6 months, but my sanity can’t handle thinking, let alone scheduling that adventure just quite yet.

And… I’m still a little bit ticked off that the Princess was so traumatized from our last visit… because unlike vaccinations, teeth counting is super important to her future healthy and her community responsibility… wait, I think I may have gotten that wrong.

Seriously, those guidelines about a kid needing to see a dentist by age one or when they have one tooth seem like a… big fat lie, right? I mean really…