Lately I’ve been hearing the phrase “be authentic”.

My first reaction is to quote Princess Bride “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means”, but once I got passed that I started thinking.

I want people to have the impression that I have my life (mostly) together.

Actually, scratch that, I actually want to have my life together.

The reality is that we are taking things on an hourly basis.

I don’t like to ask for help.  I don’t like people to see me struggle. I don’t like to admit that there are things that I cannot do by myself.

I have this fear that if I am “authentic” (gosh that word makes me shudder), that people won’t like what they see. And even worse, I fear that I won’t like me.

Six years of motherhood has made it difficult to cover up the flaws. One of the advantages to verbal kids is that they point out your imperfections frequently, often loud enough for EVERYONE within 5 miles to hear.  Sometimes (ok almost always) this is discouraging, but it does force me to admit that I cannot do it alone.

Embracing the authentic me is rough.

I don’t always like her.

She’s impatient, often frustrated, not as driven as I would like her to be, and there are days when she doesn’t want to make dinner, go to kid activities, or be happy about things.

While I am not always thrilled with the authentic me, embracing her gives me the opportunity to see my weaknesses and improve. It gives me the opportunity to connect with others on a deeper level.

And it gives me permission to fail.

I’m going to continue the “authenticity experiment”. I’m sure that during the course of this experiment I will alienate lots of people, have plenty of embarrassing mom moments, and make enough mistakes to ensure decades of therapy for my children.

More good than bad will come out of this experiement. I’m taking this quote to heart:

“Be prayerful. Don’t be ashamed to get on your knees, morning and night, and thank the Lord for His blessings. Pray for His inspiration and direction and help in all that you undertake to do in righteousness.” 

Here’s to be being authentic, to acknowledging imperfections, and turning them into strengths, to cultivating an attitude of service, and allowing others the opportunity to serve you. Here’s to being kinder to yourself without lowering expectations, to giving permission to learn slowly, and to admitting that there are things we are genuinely awesome at.