A few months before the Princess was born we decided to put the boys in the same room. Harry Potter has some major sleep issues and we thought the combination of getting his tonsils out and getting a roommate would improve life for everyone.

Plus with a new baby on the way it seemed like a great opportunity to consolidate and save space (but let’s be real we don’t need a guest room so that was pointless). Harry Potter had a huge room so we figured two kids and all their stuff would fit nicely.

All the stuff fit great, AsthmaMan was a little bit sad to leave his room across the hall, but he’s pretty relaxed so he did great.

They started sharing a room and things went… ok.

There were two giant problems with the room sharing.

One, Harry Potter doesn’t sleep like a normal kid. He just doesn’t really sleep. We’ve now come to the point where he will go to sleep and mostly stay asleep, but he wakes up… before the sun (no this is true). He didn’t learn to sleep through the night until he was almost 5, before all the judging starts we tried everything (more on that later), it turns out he had terrible sleep apnea, combine that with fear of missing out and you get a terrible terrible terrible sleeper.

In contrast, AsthmaMan is a great sleeper. He goes to bed around 7pm, wakes up around 7:30am. He wants a hug and a story, but he doesn’t ask for 15 cups of water, or to use the bathroom over and over, it’s pretty relaxed. Our hope was that with AsthmaMan being so chill Harry Potter would learn to relax… no.

Second problem, that bedroom is directly above the master bedroom. You cannot tiptoe across the floor without it sounding like a herd of elephants. I am a very light sleeper (much to Mr. Spreadsheet’s annoyance) and every single sound they make wakes me up. So the boys were up all night, they were crabby all day, and I had a newborn and a pack of elephants living above me.

This did not work, I remember sitting on the floor in the bathroom just crying because I was so exhausted (I’m not a crier so this was a big deal).

After a few months of this insanity we moved Harry Potter to the guest room, this worked so much better, no more guest room for us!! He could wake up early without disturbing his brother, he could sleep with all the lights on without disturbing his brother (who sleeps with blackout curtains), he could read to himself without disturbing his brother- you get where this is going, right?

AsthmaMan would still love for Harry Potter to move back in. He’s always trying to convince him to have a “sleepover”. For some reason Harry Potter always screams hysterically during the sleepovers so those rarely happen.

One other thing I failed to mention, Harry Potter is not a neat freak, his room is a GIANT mess all the time. I don’t think he is intentionally this way, but he seems not to notice the chaos that surrounds him.

In contrast, AsthmaMan likes to keep his room what we call “vacuum ready”, he picks up his toys each night, he piles the books on the shelf, he puts clothes in the laundry. It really frustrates him when people ruin that.

This level of cleanliness was a serious source of contention for them… you know that and the sleep deprivation.

So now that the context is there, here’s the conversation Harry Potter and I had this morning:

HP: Mom can I watch a show?

A: No… it’s 7:30am

HP: Can I play a game on your phone?

A: Have you made your bed? Can I walk in your room?

HP: Can’t you do it for me?

A: No, how will you learn?

HP: FINE!

5-10 minutes pass

HP: My room is clean, can I watch a show?

A: No, we don’t watch shows in the morning.

HP: Can I play with AsthmaMan?

A: If he’s awake.

HP disappears to “check” on AsthmaMan, they appear together 5 minutes later.

HP: Mom, I want to move back in with AsthmaMan!

A: Why?

HP: Because his room is more cozy.

A: Why do you actually want to move back in?

HP: Because I want to!

This goes on for a few minutes until….

HP: If I share a room with AsthmaMan then he can clean it.

A: You want to share a room with your brother so he can clean up your mess?

HP: Yes

AM: YOU’RE TOO MESSY!!!

HP: AsthmaMan come help me clean my room.

They go down the hall and I hear:

AM: WHY ARE YOUR CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR!!

My question exactly AsthmaMan.