If we’ve met you know I am so far from perfect it’s laughable.

I yell at my kids, my house is a mess, my once promising career has fallen by the wayside, I don’t make gourmet meals, there are days I forget to read my scriptures, sometimes I miss emails from students, you can’t even walk in my laundry room, and sometimes I fail to greet Mr. Spreadsheets with a happy smile (like every single day).

This fight for perfectionism has been going on for as long as I can remember.

Elementary school was rough, I had terrible handwriting and I couldn’t cut straight, two skills essential to success  in the early grades. I remember coming home from third grade feeling like a failure because I couldn’t do a cursive b (still can’t and let’s be real, how often does that actually come in handy) and my teacher mentioned that my cutting was awful. I wanted so badly to be perfect, these seemed like fairly easy tasks and yet despite my hours of practice my cursive b still looked like an l and my cutting was slightly slanted.

As I’ve gotten older, my perfectionist tendencies have grown and changed with me.

Sometimes these tendencies encourage me to push harder and be better, and sometimes they lead me to avoid situations where I know I will fail.

I tell people that Zumba is my worst nightmare because I don’t like to exercise (which is true), but the reality is that Zumba is my worst nightmare because I am terrible at dancing and exercise, the idea of failing at both those things publicly makes me break out in hives (ok not really, but it could happen).

I want to be perfect, I want to live up to the expectations I have for myself.

I want to be like those “perfect” people I admire so much. To be fair, the people I consider perfect probably aren’t actually perfect. They embrace their imperfections and use them as learning experiences. This is one of the things I love and admire most about them!

My sister is one of the greatest examples of “perfection” I know. the Grey Lady is just awesome. She’s brilliant, she literally saves lives, she’s well read, well spoken, crafty, a great cook, well organized, saves a ton of money, and hilarious. I like to say that she does everything I do but 10 times better. In reality she is her own person, but she’s awesome. Every time I interact with her I am inspired to channel my energy into something productive.

I have a good friend (Mrs. Goldilocks) who is also amazing. She’s the most patient mother I know, she has a great career, is the first one to show up with a meal when you’ve had a rough day, is involved in her community, and her church, has an amazingly clean house, and doesn’t yell. Just awesome. She reminds me that it is ok to accept and admit OUT LOUD that you’re good (even great) at some things.

I’m trying to  follow these amazing examples and embrace my own talents and abilities.

I am trying to let go of perfectionism and realize that there are some things I’m good, even great at, and there are some things I need to work on.

I am trying to live in the moment, to control and improve what I can, and to realize that the opinions of others really don’t matter or contribute to my happiness.

It’s HARD, but it’s working slowly. Yes, there are moments every day where I get frustrated with myself, but I’m learning to admit that it’s ok to give myself a break.

And you know what? It’s freeing! It’s awesome to admit that I am terrible at something and that I need to spend more time and effort to improve that aspect of myself.

The host of one of my favorite podcasts covered this topic a few months back and I LOVED her openness. If you have a chance, I cannot recommend the Extraordinary Moms Podcast enough, she’s super perky, prepare yourself she’s the opposite of me.