I literally whisper yelled the sentence “STOP trying to squeeze off your sister’s head!” during church today. More specifically I whisper yelled this during the closing prayer, just an FYI things are pretty quiet during prayers.

Today was another amazing church day, I thought that with time AsthmaMan’s church behavior would improve… no, I thought wrong. Instead we’ve gone in the opposite direction.

Actually the amazing day started before we even left for church, when AsthmaMan punched Harry Potter in the eye. This happened immediately after Mr. Spreadsheets did their hair, like the gel hadn’t even had enough time to dry.

Harry Potter and AsthmaMan were rolling around on the rug wrestling- they were disheveled and wrinkled before we even got in the car- yay!

We got to church, put our stuff in the pew, apologized to the people around us in advance, and sat down.

AsthmaMan and Harry Potter immediately started fighting over the Princess. And by fighting I mean punching each other, I don’t think they realized she is a person. So that’s happening, the Princess is starting to look worried because let’s be honest it was dangerous, her chances of getting punched were pretty high. We pulled the boys off each other and the meeting started.

About 3 seconds into the meeting AsthmaMan started playing a great new game where he launched himself from parent to parent and tried to pull off his sister’s arms.

The volume was increasing in our pew at an alarming rate, and we could not get AsthmaMan to settle down.

He started yelling at the 18 month old in the pew in front of us, which was also amazing and absolutely not disruptive.

Eventually he noticed that the Princess had a snack and a cup of milk… more screaming from both of them while he stole her snack and drink despite being offered his own identical snack.

Finally he decided to “sleep” on the floor, which was a relief at that point. Things settled down a little bit as the meeting wound down, but that was just his way of lulling me into a false sense of security.

We get to the closing prayer and I was starting to breathe a bit easier when AsthmaMan throws himself at the Princess and attempted to squeeze off her HEAD! He would not let go, and the prayer kept going (I’m sure it was actually a short prayer), I tried to pull him off, he would not let go. Mr. Spreadsheets tried to pull him off, no luck. By that point I was repeatedly whisper yelling “STOP trying to squeeze off your sister’s head!” The prayer ended and he immediately released her head… seriously?

I would love to be the family behind us watching all this fun, because it has got to be hilarious to watch a 3 year old make two adults cry every week (ok we don’t cry but we get close).