A good “mom” friend is hard to come by, a quick Google search resulted in 196 MILLION hits in less than a second.

I’ve read articles with titles like “I miss having friends, but right now being a Mom is enough”, “Why I don’t want to be your mom friend”, and “Why is making Mom friends so hard?”.

Let’s just admit (again) that making mom friends is hard, it’s hard to admit that you need other moms!

It’s hard to find moms to be friends with, let alone moms who have kids your kids don’t hate.

It’s hard to bond with other moms when the kids are losing their minds. But the thing is we NEED mom friends.

I’ve had some time to think and I’m pretty sure a good mom friend needs the following qualities:

• She needs to listen: If your life is anything like mine, you want someone to listen to you for 5 minutes. My kids don’t listen, my husband isn’t always interested in reliving the day, and friends without kids aren’t excited for more stories about kids, and this is where mom friends come in. Mom friends want to listen to your insane ramblings, if for no other reason than that they know if they listen to you, you will recipricate and listen to them. Mom friends know what it is like to have no one listen ever. Plus mom friends are in the trenches, chances are they have lived through whatever you’re telling them about and just want the chance to process the insanity.
• She needs to cut the idle chit-chat: I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time for small talk… also I am the worst at small talk. I think mom friends should meet and then act as if they have been friends for decades, who cares what your major in college was, your hometown,  or  how many kids you have, this information will come out later. Let’s jump into the important stuff- retelling tales of motherhood, asking advice, and building each other up. Forget that you just met this random woman, forge ahead!
• She needs to have a sense of humor: A mom friend needs to be able to laugh. Being a mom is stressful, sometimes I just want to sit and laugh with someone about stupid stuff.
• She needs to be ok with being ditched for a few weeks: Is this awful? One of the great things about a good mom friend is that she understands that life gets crazy. She doesn’t take it personally that you haven’t called or set up a playdate in a few weeks. She understands that sometimes all you can do is keep your head down and survive.
• She can’t judge: We’re all surviving, mom shaming has no place in a mom friendship. I need a mom friend who’s kid screws up just as frequently as mine, I need someone that just chuckles when my kids slap each other, or I lose one of them at the park.

I need a mom friend that understands my uphill battle with cleanliness, someone that understands how much I HATE taking my kids to the pool, and someone that that dreams of eating an uninterrupted dinner.

I don’t need a “mom bestie”, we don’t need to dress alike, love all the same things, and vacation together.

I am ok if our interests don’t really align, you know what, we have enough in common without liking the same music, books, and shows (and seriously when do you have time to pursue those things?).

Mom friends aren’t your casual girl friend, a childhood friend, or even a “bestie”.

Mom friends are your fellow battleworn warriors ready to lift you up, cheer you on, and drag you to safety when necessary.