We spend a lot of time talking about the beautiful and hilarious aspects of motherhood, but few of us want to admit, even to ourselves, that motherhood can be isolating and lonely.

I can only speak from the experience of mothering littles, some days I find myself collapsing into bed wondering not only if my efforts are worth it, but if any other mothers feel my same sense of frustration and defeat.

I’m part of cadre of women with college degrees who have chosen to stay at home and raise their children. I say chosen, because that is what I did. I left a promising and lucrative career because I wanted to stay at home with my children.

This isn’t the only choice, and it isn’t meant to say this this is the right choice for everyone.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if I made the right choice.

Sometimes in the midst of the screaming, and the park, and the 20th time through Brown Bear I find myself lonely.

I didn’t often feel loneliness in my work life. My job was busy and engaging, and required that I stretch my intellectual capabilities on an hourly basis.

Motherhood is also busy but some days I find myself lonely. It might be because there are some tasks in motherhood (and life in general) that are boring.

It takes limited brain power to make yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to pick up the toys, and to wipe another little nose.

Sometimes the lack of adult interaction makes me wonder if I still know how to make adult conversation (the answer is decidedly no).

In the midst of the craziness and sometimes loneliness I have a few minutes to look at other moms and wonder if they feel the same way.

It is easy to assume that they don’t. Easy to assume that unlike you, they are loving every minute.

Easy to assume that they don’t doubt for a single second whether or not their choice to mother was the right one.

But in that land of assumptions we make a mistake.

We mistakenly believe we are the only ones that feel isolated and trapped, and sometimes lonely.

And so I propose that instead of reflecting on how another mother has her act together that we reach out.

That we break the awkward mom friends barrier and we make those friendships that lift us all.

I have a good friend who is basically the best mom I know. Her kids are awesome, she works from home, her hair and makeup are always perfect, she cooks gourmet dinners every day, she is involved in her church and community, and her house is almost always spotless.

When I have a mothering dilemma I think to myself “what would this person do?”, but even Mrs. Goldilocks has her moments of loneliness.

Even she feels like a failure sometimes, gets frustrated, and wants to hide in the bathroom and not come out.

As we have become friends (I am definitely the friend that doesn’t have her act together),

I have come to see that even though I am not perfect, even though I yell at my kids, and they run into traffic (no joke), and even though I sometimes serve scrambled eggs for dinner because that is all I can manage, my friendship has lifted her.

And hers, well hers has lifted me (obviously).

So let’s be friends.

Instead of pretending that everything is ok on the outside, instead of always responding “good” when someone asks you how you are doing, be honest.

Tell them that today sucked, tell them that you’re pretty sure you just confirmed your kids suspicions that you’re the worst mom ever.

Tell them that what you need is a night out with the girls, a night where all you do is eat dinner at the temperature it was meant to be served and attempt to have adult conversation.

Tell them that you want to read a book (a whole book), tell them that you want to walk around Target and look at nothing and everything, but that you only want to be with people over 25.

Tell them that one of the things that you need to be an awesome mother, is mom friends. Other people in trenches that know what it is like to look in the mirror and not completely recognize who you see.

Tell them that you need mom friends, because sometimes you need a sanity check, you need someone who has been there or is currently there to tell you what is nuts and what is just part of being a mom.

Reach out, talk to the women around you.

I guarantee that you will feel better, they will feel better, and you will develop friendships that will help you through the bad days and help you celebrate the good ones.