Making mom friends is the worst.

Ok not the worst, but I’d rate it up there with cutting my son’s toenails.

It’s pretty rough.

It’s like dating, except that instead of having a wingman who has their act together you have three wingmen who are about to lose their crap at the slightest provocation.

Finding moms to be friends with is rough for me.

I have to admit, I am a bit socially awkward.

Well no, maybe not socially awkward, I am shy.

Talking to new people makes me want to throw up.

And when I get nervous I make sarcastic comments, so that’s an added bonus- awkward small talk with inappropriate sarcastic comments thrown in just for kicks and giggles.

I never know how to approach a potential mom friend, do you say something like “Hey you look like you are attempting to raise a child as well, let’s be friends” or should you be more casual about it?

I was a terrible dater, this is bringing back all those horrible first date moments.

I wish I could hand all potential mom friends a bio of myself. It would read something like this:

Hi Potential Mom Friend,

My name is Ashley, I love sarcasm and I hate talking to new people. I am attempting (and failing) to domesticate three children ages 5, 3, and 1. I am excellent at reading Harry Potter, Goodnight Moon, and Brown Bear, Brown Bear. I have the Trolls soundtrack memorized, and I even have a few sweet dance moves. I eat my children’s leftovers, and consider Chick-Fil-A the best restaurant out there, seriously the frosted lemonade is worth convincing my son to put on shoes.

Once upon a time I went to college and graduate school, but I can’t really remember what I studied at this point, I can tell you it had nothing to do with potty training (seriously why didn’t I focus on potty training!). I can change a diaper in a dark room in under 30 seconds. I enjoy going to bed early, waking up several times in the night, and screaming over the green sippy cup… oh wait that’s my kids.

I aspire to wear clothes someone hasn’t ruined, arrive on time, and carry only a wallet. I promise under all the yoga pants, kid junk, and sleep deprivation that I am an awesome person-, let’s cut the small talk and pretend like we’ve known each other for decades.

Seriously, wouldn’t that make it easier?

Wouldn’t it be easier if we could all admit that going to the park without a friend is… well horribly boring.

Wouldn’t it be easier if we all admitted that raising small children is ROUGH, that there are days when we want to hide in the bathroom and not comply with the millionth insane request from the three year old.

Wouldn’t it be great if instead of standing awkwardly in the school pickup line, at the park, or even at the grocery store we all reached out and attempted to be friends.

Oh wouldn’t it be great, but then again if life were sunshine, lollipops, and roses what in the world would we have to write about.